My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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