News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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