I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
