i just wanna soil my oats bro
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
