I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
