nut hugger
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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