there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
