her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
