you will always have a special place in my vag
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
