Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
