Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
