the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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