Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
