I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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