Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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