just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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