He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You left your phone here
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