Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
