this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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