we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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