hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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