I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
