Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
