508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
