he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
