That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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