In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
