I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
