I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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