i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
