I want to stick my p in your. b.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
