Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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