who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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