OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
