he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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