I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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