Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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