I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
