some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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