Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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