From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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