I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
