i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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