I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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