You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
