Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
