so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
