2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
