grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
