The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I cannot find my penis.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Shame - the story of my life.
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