I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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