Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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