Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
