Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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